Tuesday, February 5, 2008


I tend, contrary to popular opinion, to vacillate between two extremes. On the one hand we have inertia and hesitation, manifesting as procrastination - which Debbie mentioned re: my essay writing. (Thanks alot Debbie! Gr.) It's not just the way I write, it's a way of life - and not a sign of a lack of concern or even conscientiousness. It's wanting to be, or do, the right thing. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that it's a fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Back in high school english class, I literally *couldn't* make myself start an essay until I'd found the perfect introductory sentence, trying and rejecting a myriad of them in my mind, even if I risked running out of time. I've worked to overcome this tendency, but it still shapes a lot of who I am and what I do.

The other extreme, which may be less noticeable, is the sudden bursting of the inertia. All that pent up energy bursts free and I make a sudden decision or take a sudden action. This is the side of me that wrote the essay in 5 minutes, or that decided on where I was going to college in one evening (after months of agonizing), etc. Sometimes this is impulsive, born of frustration; sometimes it's a result of sudden clarity about what God is doing, born of faith.

In any case, neither frustrated inaction nor frenzied activity is particularly conducive to listening. But if you're wanting to discern what God is saying, listening would seem to be important, yes?

Sometimes, it's important to stop whistling - or whatever else you're doing - and sit quietly in the dark, be silent, and be still. I've been busy today *doing* - trying to, I guess, force some discernment or clarity about what I should be doing. Folks, this does not work.

Oh, and if you're wondering - yes, I did stop and be still. God was there. Hope you can meet up in the silence too.

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